Poem, snippets and essays of my life

Category: Abandonment

  • Untitled post 7960

    And it’s summer  I have a white eyelet bathrobe lined in baby blue, which I wear on the lawn after supper, and I dance for my grandmother  who sits in the chaise lounge wearing dark  glasses that are blonde tortoise with green lenses. Her skin is dark: tanned from years of regret. I am knocking

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  • Ocean Eyes

        Dear Billy Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell: When I first heard “Ocean Eyes” I couldn’t believe that someone finally understood how I’ve been feeling stuck in this house with my family. Your song made my heart vibrate and spread inside my chest and out my feet and I don’t even think I could walk

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  • What’s on the calendar for…

    I know there must be something. Most people tell me they have a list and go through it every day because they say they’re so busy. I don’t understand why they’re so busy because they’re not working. So then, I just think to myself, well, maybe the things they think are important enough to list

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  • The House

    The House

    This morning the bones of the house had creaked and moaned and snapped with a ferociousness not heard before. Its flesh slapping at the restraining drywall and crying as the resident mice left for warmer climes. No one left here to feel winter coming. She wanted to raise her hand. She came once in November

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  • Brain Chemistry

    Brain Chemistry

    I have a problem with abandonment. There’s no reason to ask myself why. It’s perfectly clear to me. I’ve had it all my life. I remember when my mother was dropping me off at nursery school when I was four and I told her I didn’t want to get out of the car. She said

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  • Scoliosis and Stenosis: a journey

    Three weeks ago I had a seven hour surgery on my spine. Initially, it was supposed to be 3 to 4 hours. As the surgery began, it was clearer to my doctor that it was more complicated and would take a longer time. The long and the short of it are that I am very

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  • Despair

    Despair

    The most accurate word to describe the times we are living in is despair. There are those people who can continue without noticing the darkness inside of them. Even they are stumbling. The children are feeling despair. Very little for them to do about it. Days come and go. Rain falls. I notice the children’s

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  • Winter Garden

    Winter Garden

    Winter garden Not breathing.

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  • Two Chaise Lounges

    Two Chaise Lounges

    Under the umbrella by the pool are two quilted chaise lounges, like the rollers in factories used  to move small items to the next station. If you run your hand over them you will feel symmetry of each roll until you don’t. Their slope is inviting as one can see it’s the shape of a body unconscious waiting to be lifted upward by a parent or a lover.

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  • I let you haunt me

    I let you haunt me

    In the beginning I was the one with the power. Or at least I thought I was. I had such faith in the power of the sashay of my hips that I never minded walking away. I never even had to turn around to know that you were panting after me. I could hear your

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