Poem, snippets and essays of my life
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Category: Abandonment
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The House
This morning the bones of the house had creaked and moaned and snapped with a ferociousness not heard before. Its flesh slapping at the restraining drywall and crying as the resident mice left for warmer climes. No one left here to feel winter coming. She wanted to raise her hand. She came once in November…
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Brain Chemistry
I have a problem with abandonment. There’s no reason to ask myself why. It’s perfectly clear to me. I’ve had it all my life. I remember when my mother was dropping me off at nursery school when I was four and I told her I didn’t want to get out of the car. She said…
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Scoliosis and Stenosis: a journey
Three weeks ago I had a seven hour surgery on my spine. Initially, it was supposed to be 3 to 4 hours. As the surgery began, it was clearer to my doctor that it was more complicated and would take a longer time. The long and the short of it are that I am very…
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Despair
The most accurate word to describe the times we are living in is despair. There are those people who can continue without noticing the darkness inside of them. Even they are stumbling. The children are feeling despair. Very little for them to do about it. Days come and go. Rain falls. I notice the children’s…
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Winter Garden
Winter garden Not breathing.
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Two Chaise Lounges
Under the umbrella by the pool are two quilted chaise lounges, like the rollers in factories used to move small items to the next station. If you run your hand over them you will feel symmetry of each roll until you don’t. Their slope is inviting as one can see it’s the shape of a body unconscious waiting to be lifted upward by a parent or a lover.…
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I let you haunt me
In the beginning I was the one with the power. Or at least I thought I was. I had such faith in the power of the sashay of my hips that I never minded walking away. I never even had to turn around to know that you were panting after me. I could hear your…
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Words in Gardens
Garden words Stop Listen Close your eyes Feel Kiss Smell Brilliant Bring back anything good Ferns Words begin with w Mouth lips Risk it Say it Do it Be the tree’s root Fragile Temporary Contemplation Fidelity Loss Absurd There’s a garden in Scotland called “Little Sparta” and it inspired me to to be more creative…
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Child
Integration There’s a moment when a child stops playing in her imagination as there is “Another” watching. The play become something other than sole imaginary play and is now “observed” play. The child comes out of her unconscious and is now conscious of her presence in the world .No one really remembers this moment except…
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The bees outside my window
Outside my kitchen window there is a city of bees above the hydrangea bushes. The bees are like bustling helicopters whose rotor blades are very slow and synchronized with one another as if they have practiced this dance many times before. They are big bees and very fat which means they must be very satisfied…
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