Dear Billy Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell:

When I first heard “Ocean Eyes” I couldn’t believe that someone finally understood how I’ve been feeling stuck in this house with my family. Your song made my heart vibrate and spread inside my chest and out my feet and I don’t even think I could walk for a while. I wanted to have blue eyes. The harmony or disharmony of your music transported me to my made up world where I had parents that actually understood me. They recognized from an early age, my genius and they created a recording studio for me in my bathroom. Every time I wrote a song, it was me singing it not you Billy Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell. I wanted to crawl inside your Winnebago and hang out with your parents. We could have snacks and drink Coca-Cola when I had my depression spells, they would leave me alone except for bringing me hot chocolate and a cozy puppy or two. Why do I love you? Because you’re the first kid  that I ever heard talk about depression. You talked about it like it was a paralytic. You talked about it because you knew just like a chicken knows before a coyote is going to eat it. I wanted to move in with your family and sleep in my own bed and have them tell me how great I was really. I just wanted to be your best friend.

 Everything you said to the world was so true but, in the beginning, nobody listened. Talking about sadness and loss and pain is like talking about pornography. You were like Joan of arc on a giant white horse galloping along carrying banners, shouting out” I’m depressed.”  Then it got to be OK to be depressed.

 For all of us who sat and listened to your music, we understood what you were trying to say just with the high and the low notes, always slightly off like someone who has gait uncertainty in their walk. I figured maybe if I moved into the Winnebago you would not notice that I was something new and I could just be rolled right in to your family because mine would never notice that I was gone.

 You’re a superstar, but you don’t act like one. I want to be cool. My sister Olive is cool. She used to steal my boyfriends and now she steals my girlfriends. I will never be cool but if I were your friend I might have a chance.

I’m worried about what will happen to you when you grow up. Can you stay the same age just until I get older than you and I can work this thing called life out, buy my own trailer and  have blue eyes, ocean eyes.

 https://music.apple.com/us/album/ocean-eyes/1440898929?i=1440899467