I’m trying very hard to do something that I never learned to do as a child and that is to control my emotions. There are a few programs in schools these days teaching kids how to modulate their emotions. If they feel angry or sad or frustrated they are taught how to take a breath and not be reactive. What a useful skill this is and I am trying to use it on a daily basis, but it is not always easy.

I am finding that more and more people these days are communicating using sarcasm, interruption, poor listening skills, and a general lack of empathetic listening. The best example of this is our President but I also find that it’s quite common among my friends to communicate in this way. Our family was one of the first to win the sarcasm prize, and it was certainly one of the primary modes of communicating. Really listening to one another was a behavior that didn’t exist because a certain person in the family believed that it was “his way or the highway.”

I’ve noticed recently that people seem to not be aware of the cruelty of their remarks or the fact that they are belittling others. I notice this because I try to be a good listener and really understand why someone is using the word choices that they are using. I have a very hard time when people are cruel and also when people act entitled. A friend of mine is always telling me that I should toughen up, but it doesn’t seem to be happening because I’m really old now and it seems I’ve become more fragile rather than tougher.

Sometimes when people get older, I’ve noticed that they get meaner and they seem to lose a filter which prevents them from saying whatever is on their mind. The executive function area of the brain can be affected by age, but the sad thing is when people start being mean to others,  most don’t think this is the result of old age. Most people just avoid the person who has started to behave badly. That’s what I generally do.

There is a certain standard of behavior that I hope for not only from myself but from my friends. When I feel that others are not treating me in the way, I would hope they would I tend to avoid them. I wonder what would happen if it were possible to be compassionate to someone who was clearly losing some of their brain power. I am approaching the age where that does happen and it’s something that terrifies me. I think it probably terrifies most people because you eventually will become dependent on those around you.

I  think that mental illness or any kind of mental disability is something that is very hard for most people to deal with. Even though we may know logically that it isn’t the fault of the person as their brain has been damaged and is unable to function as it once did. It isn’t like a painful back or a knee replacement, having any kind of brain dysfunction is not looked upon in our culture as something to be discussed or sympathized with or anything else.

I’m thinking that it would be great if people could realize that it is exactly like having a hip replacement or having a bad back. Having a problem with your brain will happen to most of us, and yet it will be our biggest fear that someone will discuss this and take our license away, or put us in an institution, or take away our financial control.

I’m thinking about all of this because I’m trying to be more tolerant with my friends who have become more fragile, perhaps less kind, perhaps more sarcastic, or bitter, or a combination of all of these things. it’s very difficult to learn this Buddhist practice of taking a breath and stepping back and observing and then choosing not to engage with the behavior that’s painful. I’m proud of myself for trying.