I think if there was one rule in life it should be that no one can say anything about anyone else unless they’re standing there in front of them. This fails to apply if you are saying very complementary things about someone else but it’s nicer to say it to their face. It seems to me that the world thrives on gossip. If you know some gossip that others don’t know you feel important and as if you have a giant secret to spread. I was once the victim of some very ugly gossip that was untrue. It was told to people by someone who had no idea what they were talking about and they were incredibly cruel to create this ugly rumor. It hurt me for years because I lost a friend over it and there was nothing I could do to make them believe I had not said or done what was claimed. It was extraordinary to me that 20 years of friendship could be swept away by the ugly words of a near stranger.
At the time I was grateful that I was moving to another coast because I was so filled with pain and so troubled by what had happened.later I realized it was a very positive experience for me because I realize the importance of never saying anything about someone behind their back. There’s no reason to do that. I try to stop people when they start to do that with me which inevitably makes them angry. I think it’s not anger so much as feeling bad that they’re doing what they’re doing.
The latest thing I think of is don’t get involved or say anything that and will make you feel bad later. Any ugly unhappy interaction will stick in your mind for way too long and be physically and mentally bad for you. People forget about this. They don’t put two and two together. They jump in because they’ve been slightly provoked and then they expect everyone else to jump into and before you know it there’s a melee going on and no one can remember why it started.
I hate conflict. I like working things out in a peaceable way. I like reasonable dialogue and I like to find a way of understanding someone else, because I don’t like pain so I’ve learned to do what I have to do in life not to experience it. Trust me it’s been very useful.