Finding a Match on Match.com

Yes, it may seem strange to married people that many are seeking love on Match.com, but it is very true in todays’ world of high tech compatibility. There are many young people on Match which is natural, but there are many older people as well. There are people from “good families” as well as hard working people who have little extra cash. There are doctors, lawyers, socialites, nurses and teachers:  retirees as well as “still hard at work” people. I still don’t understand why married people are surprised to hear about their friends being on Match. I have been on Match and I have had success as well as disappointments yet I believe this type of dating is the way of the future.

Let’s face it, if you are single and want to find a partner it isn’t always easy. Your friends forget to keep looking for men for you and there are just so many ways to meet guys in today’s world. Match is a great way to see who is out there and it is easy to eliminate the wheat from the chaff. I have to admit, however, it presents a problem that I haven’t found an answer to and here it is.

Match informs people who check out your profile how active you have been on the site. There is a caption above each profile that states the hours, days or weeks since you have been logged on. Why is this important? Well, think about it this way. You meet a guy, see him a few times, begin to like him and when you go online to Match  you see how recently active he has been. If you really like the guy it smarts to see he has been continually trolling since you began dating. If you find he is actively online it’s  like hearing  he was seen out with another woman from a friend. He might say in response to this, “Well you went online too!” and this would be true. So what do we have here? A public disclosure of online infidelity by both parties and it happens almost instantly.

I have no idea how to solve this issue because I am guilty as accused. If someone on Match winks at me, I am curious to see what that person is like. I am curious and easily flattered to a point. I like having online admirers but it doesn’t mean I want to meet them.

Sometimes it is nice to live in a Jane Austin world where one just continues to correspond and never actually meets the other person. I think what it boils down to is the lack of absolute trust in a relationship and the difficulty of finding this in todays’ world. In past generations people met their mates through their family or friends. In today’s world many of us have lost our “tribe” and with this loss come more of a sense of aloneness. I have met a few men on Match who seem to have no lives and are almost desperate to connect with a woman who will provide them with a life. I bet a number of men have found the same thing in women.

The solution would be for each party to resign from Match once they had found a relationship that seemed worth pursuing. For some reason this seems difficult to achieve. I may be the only woman who feels this way but I do believe this. I think it is a good sign that a guy is willing to forego Match in the hope that a relationship will work. It seems to be a sign of self-esteem. I am surprised at how unwilling Match members seem to be to do this and I wonder if it has to do with the fleeting nature of internet dating? Or worse, the fleeting nature of love.