I fall in love easily if the man
or good looking,
Not only do I fall in love but I think the man
is better than me and I feel unworthy,
rough elbowed and potato lumpy,
so I want them more.
(They will never love me wanting so much).
I create imaginary lives with
men and in the life
I have created
they never seem as in love
with me as I am with them.
(I chose carefully).
Freud would have a very easy
time with me as I would lie on his couch
not having to say one word.
I wish I were Freud. I want a couch.
I am afraid it’s too late.
I may be giving up
the hunt, the waiting and wanting.
The pain, no longer bearable.
The man who will be everything
and I will be invisible. So invisible
his touch will be like a shot of novocain
mixed with curare
and my frozen body finally painless.
I lie still longing.