My cousin said to me tonight that you can’t change family dynamics and I think she is right. The way someone was as  a child is the way a sibling always sees them. Mean people stay mean. Bullies stay bullies. Angels stay angels. All you can do is try to accept the way they are. Returning to my childhood home makes me joyous, sad, angry, depressed, frustrated, revengeful  and content. At least I am safe now or at least I think I am. It is funny how some people think you should be loyal to your family no matter what they do to you. I disagree. I think loyalty is something people either deserve through their behavior or they don’t. I love being loyal to those I love and to those who I believe in.

Beautiful places are compelling and dangerous: they lift you up and sometimes leave you hanging there wondering how to get down.

Last night the full moon shone on the bay and reflected into my dreams which were all forgotten by morning. The sound of the lobstermen woke me and I was curious for the lobster caught from their deep home trapped under the sea. Maybe when they shed their skins under the ocean they cry and no one hears them.

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