Dead or Alive

Every time I get sick, I think I’m going to die. A simple cold becomes the beginnings of sinus problems, which turn into a brain tumor and before I know it, I’m making the decision between cremation and burial all by myself. Then, miraculously, the cold leaves, and I forget that I actually thought I was going to die,that I was convinced I was going to die, and I start living my life again grateful that I feel better. I can go from feeling like I want to die to realizing how hopeful I am as a human being. It’s always confuses me. I think to myself what’s the matter? I know I’m not crazy, but this volatility shouldn’t exist in someone my age.

My sister is the same way. We are convinced we are this way because my parents had so many children. They never paid attention to where we were or how we were. This was good and bad. Good because freedom is good for a child and bad because there were many things that were overlooked, some quite serious. I think it’s probably not usual for a child to spend nine hours hiding in a tree for no reason whatsoever. I actually find it rather amazing that I did that more than once. I had no book nor did I have any writing implements. I think I just sat and stared at the bark of the tree, trying to discern its message to me.

I think the message was transmitted environmentally. It was akin to Morse code, probably helped by the bullfrogs, chipmunks, and wild geese, who were always close by. It was at this time I began to think I was invisible. It’s an interesting behavior, or thought for a child to have, because you can really do whatever you want. You can dance as if no one is watching because they’re not. You can eat all the bacon on Sunday morning. And you can disappear in trees for nine hours.

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4 responses to “Dead or Alive”

  1. upbeatwriteragain Avatar

    We will never let our beloved friend disappear!

  2. vaughndeguigne Avatar

    Your writing hit the spot for me on so many notes! Thank you.

    1. lucindaw Avatar

      Thanks! Xo

  3. Elizabeth Delmonicob Avatar

    Hey, Lucinda, this new spate of wry comments are essence of YOU. Thanks!

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