I am trying to move back to California. I have been trying to do this since I left. I left nine years ago to be near to my mother who was at the end of her life. We had a very magical time together for a few years until she died. Once she died, I was frozen into a state of wax museum status. I couldn’t move either way, east or west. The thought of another cross country transfer was too tiring to consider. I waited and waited for some sign, some presence, transforming me into a knowledgeable creature. I was and am tired. I realize as people get older they resist change yet perhaps it is the very thing they should welcome. Change brings an ultra awareness of an environment and the need to adapt,seek information from it, and decide what to do. How to interact within it.Married people don’t usually change their environment at my age because they are settled within their own world. It is tiresome and tiring to change.Single people sometimes hold on to what they have and where they live as they feel letting go will deprive them of the dream they have held on to for a long time. The dream is safety and security and companionship. They don’t realize that this dream can only be actualized by learning to live safely within oneself. A happy life is one in which you feel nurtured and if you are nurturung yourself you are in control. That seems to be the most portable existence imaginable. I am yearning to be in California as it speaks to my soul and nourishes it.
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