I’m going to stop worrying about my future and start to believe that it will all fall into place like magic just as a jigsaw puzzle falls out of the box to the ground and it’s complete! . More importantly, I’m going to believe that I actually have a future. I’m going to start to imagine where I might live and what I might do.

For a long time I’ve been doing nothing. I’ve just been sitting under the sheltering arms of a maple tree in my mind. It’s been rather nice to be sitting here. I don’t have to move or eat or drink or use the bathroom or anything because it’s imaginary. Years have gone by like this. Almost as if I’ve been watching a movie of my life. Somehow, in the last month or two the movie has finished, and I am in my body again, and I have moved away from the sheltering arms of a maple.

I walked out to the street to see who’s in my non imaginary life. I live on Norman Rockwell Street. All of the houses have big porches where we sit and watch what’s going on. People come over for tea and in the evening maybe a glass of wine. I serve hors d’oeuvres, like cheese and crackers, or pieces of fruit cut up and I wear a long skirt made out of a tablecloth that belong to my grandmother. I participate in the conversation and actually pay attention.

I am not transparent anymore. I hold my hand to the light and see nothing on the other side.

I notice I’m not internally arguing.

It’s sunny and I believe in the power of warmth again. My dog is sleeping. I gave my Uber driver 5 stars.

The East Coast seems more appealing than the West Coast because I can’t find a Norman Rockwell Street on the West Coast. I can find my grandchildren there so it’s tempting to stay.

I am very fond of going to old-fashioned clubs where the ceilings are extremely high to accommodate all the Saints who fly around them. I had dinner at one the other night with some friends, and there were many attractive men. I told the headwaiter that he was very attractive, and he winked at me when I went home.

I have a hard time knowing when to keep my mouth shut, but I’m getting better at that.

The retirement communities I have seen have so many rules, and the people within the communities all seem to be somewhat lonely, and without a rudder, waiting for the tide to change and for the boat to go off into the sunset.

I want to learn how to wind surf with my dog on the board. I’ve had a chat with her about it, but she says it would be hard on her nails. I’d like to learn how to play sudoku, but I don’t like math and I really don’t like patterns.

I like Norman Rockwell Street and hearing the children playing. I like people who care. I like washing my hair.I like younger people better than older people because they’re just easier to hang out with. There are no competitive edges to them. I’m looking forward to taking another breath.