I keep playing tricks on my psychiatrist. I know this is insane but isn’t that why I’m seeing him? Sometimes I bring out large animal masks and when the Zoom starts present myself as a tiger or a lion. He can’t seem to stop laughing. I love this so much that I keep doing it. I’m waiting for the time when I log on to Zoom and he’s hiding under his desk and carefully peers up at the screen to see what I’m wearing next.

 I realize this is childish but yesterday he was talking about anxiety and telling me that people had more than one voice in their head. He told me that I should detach from my anxiety and talk to it as if it were a distant cousin reassuring myself that it would stay distant. I pointed out to him that I hadn’t developed schizophrenia yet and I didn’t plan to in this lifetime. Luckily the reason this psychiatrist works for me is because he is a child psychiatrist.

The bottom line is both he and I agree that we are approaching the end of the world not just the end of our lives.

 I went to see an orthopedic doctor because my wrist is killing me He told me that there was nothing he could do. Wrist surgery wasn’t that advanced he said and considering my age the recovery time would be one year which he repeated several times. I looked up at him and I said so are you telling me there’s nothing that can be done about this and the pain will just get worse and worse? And he agreed.

 So then I said to him what about amputation?

He looked really frightened and rang the bell for his nurse. I was tempted not to tell him that I had been kidding but his pallor was a concern to me. I don’t think that people realize that the world has changed to such an extent that things will happen we never predicted not even in our wildest dreams.