Poem, snippets and essays of my life
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Tag: depression
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Spine Mine
Spinal Surgery Eight weeks ago I had spine surgery and it took 7 hours to make me less fragile but I am still fragile. I told the anesthesiologist I was anxious and he wrote I had a “psychiatric disorder” in my chart. He had black, thick hair and sat back in his seat…
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Brain Chemistry
I have a problem with abandonment. There’s no reason to ask myself why. It’s perfectly clear to me. I’ve had it all my life. I remember when my mother was dropping me off at nursery school when I was four and I told her I didn’t want to get out of the car. She said…
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Save or Toss
Lucinda Watson We save what we can now because there’s so little space left. It seems like there used to be so much space in the past. Now I can hardly breathe. Yesterday I noticed San Francisco had slipped partially into the bay. I was out for a walk, and I looked over the cliff…
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Despair
The most accurate word to describe the times we are living in is despair. There are those people who can continue without noticing the darkness inside of them. Even they are stumbling. The children are feeling despair. Very little for them to do about it. Days come and go. Rain falls. I notice the children’s…
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Wishes
I wish I could write: “Last night I dreamed of Manderley”, but last night I dreamt of my father. It was the strangest dream I’ve ever had. I was on vacation with some friends, and I had promised my father to go on vacation with him. We were settling into our rooms when suddenly I…
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The Shrink
I keep playing tricks on my psychiatrist. I know this is insane but isn’t that why I’m seeing him? Sometimes I bring out large animal masks and when the Zoom starts present myself as a tiger or a lion. He can’t seem to stop laughing. I love this so much that I keep doing it.…
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Dead or Alive
Every time I get sick, I think I’m going to die. A simple cold becomes the beginnings of sinus problems, which turn into a brain tumor and before I know it, I’m making the decision between cremation and burial all by myself. Then, miraculously, the cold leaves, and I forget that I actually thought I…
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Two Chaise Lounges
Under the umbrella by the pool are two quilted chaise lounges, like the rollers in factories used to move small items to the next station. If you run your hand over them you will feel symmetry of each roll until you don’t. Their slope is inviting as one can see it’s the shape of a body unconscious waiting to be lifted upward by a parent or a lover.…
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I let you haunt me
In the beginning I was the one with the power. Or at least I thought I was. I had such faith in the power of the sashay of my hips that I never minded walking away. I never even had to turn around to know that you were panting after me. I could hear your…
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Life
“No life guard on duty” Why not? If there were ever a time to have someone guarding your life, it’s now.
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