Tag: depression

  • The bees outside my window

    The bees outside my window

    Outside my kitchen window there is a city of bees above the hydrangea bushes. The bees are like bustling helicopters whose rotor blades are very slow and synchronized with one another as if they have practiced this dance many times before. They are big bees and very fat which means they must be very satisfied […]

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  • My Birth

    My mother’s father, Samuel Joseph Cawley, died three days before I was born and was buried in a paupers grave in Van Nys, California, alone and still drunk so the embalmer had it easy. My mother went into labor etherized and alone, and, hearing “ it’s a girl”, sighed into her peignoir and turned her […]

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  • It’s Complicated

    It’s complicated

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  • Desperate Comprimise

    Desperate Compromise To be honest the other night I pretended I didn’t mind this man was a Trump supporter because he was so handsome and I couldn’t take my eyes off of his mostly craggy face. At 80 his arms did not look too bad either. Though I could not see them, I could see […]

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  • Starfish

    Starfish

    No Safe Place 3 Attachment Last night between midnight and one am a Starfish crept through my dream of a beach in Maine. It was pale and faded. I couldn’t feel it. Because the starfish is losing its ability to function normally, dreams may have to be revised.  Starfish are Echinoderms, belonging to the class […]

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  • Last Night I Saw My…

    Last Night I Saw My...

    Last night no one knew if it was the sun setting or the moon rising but it was orange: hung there by a wire moving around our sky, currents of warm air lifting and lowering its round shape enough to light the narrow, soft roads crisscrossing the sandy summer peninsula. One young woman pushing her […]

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  • Shades of Gray

    Shades of Gray   When you’re a child you think everyone tells the truth. You think your mother and father will be together forever. When you see your first divorce it’s kind of like seeing your first accident. You can’t believe this could happen Sometimes people stay together because they can’t stand to be alone. […]

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  • Hopeful

    Hopeful

    Yesterday a man held my hand so powerfully I couldn’t tell after a while as it seemed so right that consistent pressure. Normally I don’t like comfort in any form as it embarrasses me like the chameleon turning pink on lava or carnation, I pull away from touch as I know the consequences. But this […]

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  • Despair

      This summer the windows in the house steam up like they used to when there were teenagers inside. All that glorious passion every morning. This summer everything is slightly off: The gaits of the horses, the timing of the stoplights, the phases of the moon, the beat of people’s hearts. Reports keep coming of […]

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  • Craters in the moon

    When I was eight years old my father brought home home a long, rectangular cardboard box which he opened after dinner carefully outside our front door. It was a clear night and warm as I recall and he removed from the box like a surgeon removing a baby from the belly of an unconscious woman […]

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