The idea of a surplus of goods was not present in my family so even as adults we bicker and fight over who has more in their pile. At Christmas when we were kids we would each carefully count our pile of presents and then compare the number to other siblings instanting creating familiar pain inside ourselves. Many in my family are so angry and hurt they live their lives in this same way: still looking to see who has the most gifts in their pile. Sometimes I buy into this behavior. Sometimes I don’t. Things have gone so far down the road that many of us don’t even speak to eachother. One family member is in charge of this non speaking policy and carefully monitors all the others to make certain it is obeyed. I am always curious as to where her power comes from and I often see it is all of our fear of abandonment. Like animals, if we are fearful, we are vulnerable and lash out and try very hard to be the one who has the biggest weapon. I doubt there will be a disarmament policy in my lifetime and I pin my hopes on the next generation. This time of year when our hearts are open some in the family look for weapons and some look for love. I know that is why I work as a healer and isn’t it funny I have no power to heal the childhoods of my family?
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