Last Night’s Dinner Party…
So last night I had a dinner party with a dozen assorted friends of all ages and opinions. At one point during the dinner I asked if the women at the table would be more upset if their husbands left them for another man or another woman. There was a clear consensus: the older women felt they would be more upset if they were left for another woman as they would be in competition with her. The younger women felt they would be more upset if their husbands were gay because that would mean the romantic love between them would have been based on falsehood.
I found this really interesting, and logical in a disappointing way. The younger women were still filled with romantic love while the older women were more practical about their marriages. Perhaps older women believe they are in jeopardy of losing their husbands to younger women as it happens all the time particularly in certain socioeconomic groups. Perhaps older women have less of a romantic ideal about their relationships as they have weathered the storm of many years of marriage and the pleasures as well as trials that come with any long term relationship. Perhaps they really feel as if betrayal is still a part of life and one they worry about though many years of a partnership has passed.
I wonder about betrayal….I think it is a wound, if inflicted that will never heal. Betrayal is a pain that cuts through any defense mechanism one may have and results in a fissure which remains permanently open. I don’t care what anyone says about learning to heal when someone has lied to you, basically you can never heal that place in you which is broken. The best you can do is protect your heart and looks carefully before you become involved with anyone.
I loved my dinner party. I love the mix of old and young and the opportunity of listening to what everyone is thinking. Life needs to be magic from time to time.